i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
