Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
