3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
