Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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