I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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