You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
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