Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
