Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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