i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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