I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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