Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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