life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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