I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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