Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
