im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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