booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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