ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
it glows. i had to have it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
