my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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