there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize