I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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