i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
