He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
