1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize