I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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