nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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