Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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