i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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