You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i will never coherently bang her
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
