party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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