So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
