Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
