I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
