I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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