I cockslap morals
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
the condom got lost in my hair
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
