WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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