i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
