i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
