Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
