i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
