Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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