oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
