dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
