i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
