You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
