id be glad to
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
