There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
