It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
