Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
