yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize