Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
