is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
