Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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