As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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