I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
