the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
