Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
are you so shy because you have an std?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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