guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
