I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize