dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
