every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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