talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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