so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
