my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
