dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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