She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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