Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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