What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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