Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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