My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
