I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
