I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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